One night, new world

How can we wait for time to heal? This is a question I ask myself quite often. What I have discovered is that you're not awaiting time, you are rather awaiting yourself to accept something that your mind refuses to understand. It is as though the straight edge map your body was programmed to follow is disrupted my something so obscure that adjusting almost seems impossible. Or as though adjusting conforms to a type of giving in. Him winning is more than just a loss for myself, to me it is a loss of dignity, control and most importantly, is a loss to the power of women. I use to perceive the word feminism as a scapegoat for psychotic women to reverse the roles of dominance, making men the lower beings on the scale. Feminism is the support of equality, the word itself is quite deceiving but it really is just the support of fairness among all genders. I now have come to realize I am a feminist, not just due to my desire for women to become empowered and appreciated; but for my desire

One night with me is all that you wanted One night with you has left my life haunted Sweet and kind, the most endearing eyes Seeming better and better with every drink that you buy By the end of the night going home wasn't the plan But everything changed with that belt in your hand Too scared to cry, while holding my breath While your sweat and lies dripped down my neck Constant slaps ensured I stay awake They also made answers to questions I’d fake I’d like to say that each day gets better But if that were true I wouldn't be writing this letter They say now I’m safe, no reason to scream Except most nights where I’m choked out in my dreams  Push that smile, while my mind starts freeze With the image of blood stained down to my knees Forgiveness is something I never may find But maybe all this rum will help you leave my mind 

Dear You, I want to first thank you, thank you for helping me experience the best thing i’ve ever felt. I’d now like to let you know I forgive you, I forgive you for completely crushing me, my ambitions and my relationships. The last time I had longer than a 20 second encounter with you, I held you crying for hours. We never said goodbye. We said we were done, we said we wanted the worst for each other, we said go to hell, we said we hated each other, but not goodbye. I wasn't suppose to be in your life, god I loved you so much. I hate how our relationship ended but I know we were too toxic and too in love to remain a big aspect of each others lives. I’ll never know how you feel now, what your new dreams are, or how much you'll love her. I’ll just know what we had, and how I felt then, and thought you felt too. I would love to see you 15 years down the line with a family and making well of yourself, I cant help you but I can hope. Best of luck, and my biggest apologies. I do

I miss the blue sky. It’s truly a simple concept. Science has graced us with the logic that the sun’s rays reflect off the world’s vast plains of water, resulting in the crisp blue heavens. Each sunny day our eyes interpret these light frequencies, while our brain sorts them into the colour we perceive as blue. As I walk in the shoes of the person I call myself, I see a grey sky, a grey sky in a world of contempt. Though my eyes are no different from any others, my lens have adjusted to the world he has constructed for me. The average soul looks to this blue as a guide, assisting their voluntary actions in their self led lives. I too look to my sky, but while they wear their sunglasses to clearly view their bright blue; I hide under my umbrella to prepare for the means of my grey world. Life is about appreciating the small things, the simple yet beautiful components that make our existence have worth. In this society, these little things are a last hope to putting aside our stereotypi

Everything changes. I look into a mirror and don't recognize what I see. Im scared to sleep, Im scared to go out, sometimes Im scared to initiate simple conversations. The only good change that has come is acceptance, learning to accept the past was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Denial is quite an easy escape route, but is about as effective as a bandaid. It can occur is many ways. We drink to wash out the memories, we do lines push a smile, we bleed in hope for different pain; however, the lowest point us humans reach in pursuit of dismissing our disturbed pasts, is the infliction of our self-hate on others. Or rather that was the case for me. Though I too engaged in all those activities, my bottled hate was the component that truly led too my own self destruction. The realization of my life being out of my control is where I allowed my worthlessness to consume me as a whole and to take down anyone who got too close. I was too weak to deal with my own problem